Right Through Me
by asthedarksideofthemoon
Summary: After the talk with Rachel, Quinn knows she can't let her friend waste her talent and throw her dreams away... will she succeed? And will it lead to more things?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **(Sadly) I do not own Glee, any of the characters or the songs mentioned here. This is my first fic, so don't go too hard on me... but I would love your reviews telling me what you think! Should I continue it?

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><p>After the talk with Rachel in the girls' bathroom, Quinn sat in her math class not really paying attention. She kept thinking and thinking about what Rachel told her. Finn asked her to marry him and she was actually considering the idea!<p>

How could that be the same girl who once put her dreams above anything and anyone else? The one who needed applause to live? Okay, that was a little dramatic, but still... Rachel had always been the one who was sure she'd be out of Lima as soon as high school was over. She was meant to go to New York, and Kurt had told her how excited she was when they got to perform on a real Broadway stage.

Until Finn, Quinn thought. Finn had already ruined their chance at Nationals by kissing Rachel on stage, and all Rachel did was take him back... they freaking lost Nationals for that kiss! Yes, Quinn did stop Santana from going all Lima Heights on the girl, but she had been disappointed in what had happened too. How could she not be? They truly had a chance at winning, their songs were really good, but he had blowed them with that selfish gesture.

And now Rachel was considering the idea of marrying him, of being chained to a high school crush? No, Quinn couldn't let it happen to Rachel. The girl who ALWAYS saw through her and never gave up on her, even though she would have had every reason to...

Rachel had been the one who thought about singing "Keep Holding On" to her. Rachel had been the only one who told her that she was more than her beauty. Rachel had been the only one who didn't force her to do something, but waited for Quinn to be ready. And Rachel had been the one who kept her from taking Beth away from Shelby, even if Quinn thought it was what she wanted, what she NEEDED, to be someone in life. And now it was time for Quinn to return the favour. Rachel may want Finn, but she couldn't let the girl think she needed the boy to be someone... she couldn't let Rachel doubt her talent, her future. She was going to do for Rachel, what Rachel did for her. Not give up on her.

Quinn looked at the sketchbook on her desk and smiled... without even realizing it, she had scrabbled what was her goal. What she saw when they were going to New York for Nationals. Rachel Berry looking at New York skyline from their plan, with her hands clutched at her heart and with shining and excited eyes.

Glee club was up next, and she was going to show Rachel what she meant with "If you wanna be happy, you're gonna have to say goodbye", and what a better way than a song?

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><p>As Quinn enters the choir room, she has no idea of what she will say after her performance... she had told Mr. Schuester about her early admission at Yale just before Glee began, and she was going to tell her friends right after her song. She had choosen "Never Can Say Goodbye"... it was What Would Michael Do Week after all, wasn't it?<p>

She doesn't even sit on the chair, and while she waits for all of her friends to sit she chats with the band guys, whom she had learned to appreciate during her rebel phase... she never doubted that spending time away from the people who had always been there for her would have hurt, and so when she wanted to take some time alone she would go read in the choir room instead of the library, when the band was praticing for their jazz songs. She found that music quite relaxing, and she knew they would have been too busy to bother her or ask questions... it was the perfect place to not feel completely left out of the Glee club. So, after sharing a joke with the blonde guitarist, Quinn gave them her thumb up for her performance to begin... as the first verse went on, she closed her eyes and tried to feel every word the song.

"_**Never can say goodbye, no no no... never can say goodbye. Even tho the pain and heartache seem to follow me wherever I go...**_"

She knows she's singing this song for and to Rachel, because she's the one now that can't say goodbye to a boy to follow her dreams, but she can't help thinking about how these words could have easily suit her just some months ago...

"_**Though I tried and tried to hide my feelings, they always seem to show. Then you try to say you're leaving me, and I always have to say no...**_"

Her thoughts drift back to the weeks right before Prom, when Finn had wanted to break up with her and she didn't want that to happen... because she had to say no to that, to save her image at school...

"_**Tell me why is it so, don't wanna let you go, I never can say goodbye boy... I never can say goodbye.**_"

Quinn is looking at Puck now, smiling sweetly, because she doesn't need to let him go anymore, at least as a friend... they would always have Beth to bring them together, and she know he would be the only one understanding her feelings when birthdays were coming around.

"_**I keep thinking that our problems soon are all gonna work out, but there's that same unhappy feeling and there's that anguish, there's that doubt... it's that same old dizzy hang up can't do with you or without, I never can say goodbye...**_"

She looks at Rachel now, trying to make her words clear to the girl... as she told her a year ago, she will never get it right if she keeps looking for her happy ending, and she still hasn't understood that right now she has to let go of something... Finn, or her dreams.

As the song comes to an end, Quinn notices that Rachel looks uncomfortable, and she can't do anything but hope her message went through.

Her thoughts are interrupted by Mr. Schue, encouraging her to share her big news... so she collects herself, or at least tries to, because she can't contain her happiness while she tells everybody: "_I... I got into Yale!_"

"_Yeah!_"

"_Wooooo_"

Her friends are all clapping excitedly for her, happy that Quinn finally saw her true potential and even got into Yale with early admissions! She accepts congratulations from Mr. Schue again, and then looks at Mercedes who states calmly: "_We're so proud of you, Quinn..._"

And she knows she mean it. For the first time in her life, she can believe those words. "_I wanted to thank you, guys..._ - she starts saying with her voice low, while scanning the room searching the eyes of every one – _because without each and everyone of you, this would've never happened. You supported me and loved me through all the drama... and that's why I'm standing here. I waisted so much time hating myself for the stupid mistakes that I made, but the truth is... is that without all of those, I would have NEVER dreamed of this to be my future._"

Her voice cracks a little, but she still can't let her emotions overcome her, she still needs to tell Rachel what she had wanted to tell her in the bathroom but didn't... so she quickly collects herself and locks eyes with Rachel, hoping that she will understand.

"_I was the one standing in the way of myself._ - she sees Rachel's face quickly changing in understanding, and Finn turning to her, but she has to go on, even though she feels her heart beating faster and her eyes watering – _You can't change your past... but you can let go, and start your future._"

She sees Rachel lowering her eyes, and Quinn can't help but wonder why this was so hard to do... giving advice to a friend should be a normal thing, it should not cause your heart to beat fast and to clinch just at the thought of your friend – because that's what Rachel is to her, right? - not achieving her dreams and staying in Lima, instead of being in New York... she can only starts to worry about the fact that they would be too far apart if Rachel stayed in Lima, when her friends surround her hugging and congratulating her and she leaves those thoughts in her mind... for now.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I still don't own Glee or any of the character/actors... thank you for your reviews and feedbacks, I really really appreciate it. Remember to tell me what you think, either it's good or bad, I want to know... :) Oh, and dialogues are in italic, thought in bold and other things in capital letters. Enjoy!

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><p>Rachel wakes up that morning at 6am as every other day, but that morning, instead of starting her usual routine, she stays in bed a little longer. Staring at the ceiling for some minutes, thinking about the events of the previous days...<p>

"**You can't... - Rachel, you have an AMAZING life ahead of you. - If you really want to be happy, you're gonna have to say goodbye..."** - She sighs in bed... - **Why did Quinn told those things to me? I mean, yes, I asked for a straight advice and it's just right that I get what I ask for, but she didn't even ask me what I wanted to do... what would have made me happy. It's like she knew... but I don't even know if I'm a finalist at NYADA, how can someone else be so sure about my talent? I was so stupid, why didn't I apply for other schools? No, because I'm Rachel Berry and I have to go to New York! And now? What do I have now?**- Her gaze shifts to the ring on her nightstand, taking it and putting it on her ring finger... yes, she even told it to Kurt, she only has her boyfriend here. But is it enough? She never was one for settling... so, why now? - **People say that relationships are about compromising, don't they? So, that's what they mean... I love him, and he loves me. He's not perfect, he doesn't always listen to me, he often forgets that I'm vegan, and he sure helps me with my lack of popularity, but... really, what do I expect? I will never find someone that is willing to put up with me, I need to keep it real... it's great to dream, but now I have to wake up, and think about my future... Broadway. No, no. Broadway was before. Keep it real, Rachel, come on. Family. That is my future.**_" _

Rachel raises her left arm above her, looking intently at the engagement ring, and after some moments of hesitance she nods, convinced that it is the right thing to do... she could get ready for her day now! She turns her eyes to watch the time... "_Holy sweet Barbra, I'm late!_" She starts moving frantically around the room, considering if she'd have time for her elliptical, and at the same time looking for a dress to wear at school. "Y_es, okay, breathe... calm down, it's no big deal! I can wear this elliptical at school and I will do my dress tomorr... NO! No. This dress at school, and elliptical tomorrow. Yeah, right. Those damn breathing exercises should come in hand now. Inhale, exhale, yeah._"

"_Rach, honey? Are you awake?_" She heard her dad calling from downstairs...

"_Yes, dad! I'm going to shower quickly, could you prepare my breakfast for me? I'm late and I have to be fast!_"

"_HONEY, COME DOWNSTAIRS FIRST!_"

"_Hiram! Stop yelling in my ear, she isn't deaf!_"

Shaking her head, Rachel starts to make her way down the stairs, rambling to her fathers about how this is so not the moment to ask her which year Barbra won this or that award, when she sees her daddy, Hiram, holding an envelope and watching her excited as ever. She stops in her tracks, clutching her hands at her heart and breathing deeply... this was it. The NYADA letter did arrive, she still didn't know what the result was, but this waiting without knowing if she was in or not was killing her... finally, the moment was there.

She walks over to her fathers and without saying a word she takes the envelope in her hands and goes sitting on the couch, opening it as fast as she can, she really can't wait to read the response. She looks at both her fathers standing impatiently at the doorway...

"_I'm in! I'm a finalist!_"

"_Oh, woah! I knew it! I'm proud of you, Rachel..._" Her dad Leroy says to her with a wink, slowly approaching her but being passed by Hiram who is squealing and running excitedly to his daughter, hugging her so tightly that she almost can't breathe.

"_Dad, daddy... wow, this is a wonderful news! I can't wait to tell Kurt, he's in too, did I tell you? Oh no, I didn't tell you, I'm sorry, but he is, we can go to New York together! Oh God Kurt, I have to tell him, I'll grab something to eat on my way out, okay?_" She tells her dads while she's already running upstairs to change... she really can't wait, she feels... no. In that moment, she IS the old Rachel Berry, with just one goal in mind: New York.

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><p>As soon as Rachel gets into the building, she starts searching for Kurt, locating him at his locker from the end of the hallway. She keeps the straighest face she can manage...<p>

"_Hey..._" she says tapping him on the shoulder...

"_Oh... is that the...?_" The boy doesn't know how to act seeing the envelope, he's excited but also afraid that her friend didn't make it... come on, it had always been him, Rachel and New York in their plans!

"_Yeah, the NYADA letter finally arrived._" - she looks down at the letter to keep the smile from making its way on her face... 'ohhh, screw it!' she thinks - "_I'm a finalist... I'm a finalist!_"

She can't contain her excitement anymore, as she jumps in the middle of the hallway and hugs her best friend, who starts laughing and finally can enjoy his own admission too.

"_I'm so happy for you! Have you told Finn yet?_"

Her smile drops in a second... "_What? Rachel? What is wrong?_"

"_Finn. Oh my God Kurt... I totally forgot about him!_"

Kurt was honestly confused... maybe his brother didn't want Rachel to go to New York? "_What do you mean you forgot about him?_"

"_Didn't he tell you anything?_" Rachel asks the boy while looking around suspiciously to see if someone is listening to them, and when she sees him shaking his head, she already starts realizing she's in trouble. "_N-no, nothing, everything is right! I still have to tell him, I think I will go now! And yay, I'm a finalist!_" She pump fists the air and starts walking her way back to her locker...

"_Oh my God. I have to find Quinn._"

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><p>At the end of last period, Quinn is walking towards McKinley's exit door when she hears footstep behind her... she can't even turn and see who it is because she's dragged by the arm and outside the building, and only then she finally recognize who that person is...<p>

"_Rachel! What the hell are you doing? Are you crazy?_"

"_Quinn, please please please, I need to talk to you, I'm in trouble. Like... SERIOUS, trouble_!"

Quinn starts telling "_Hol..._"

"_No, I'm not pregnant!_" Rachel hisses angrily at her "_It's worse than that! Can we talk?_"

Quinn sighs relieved... "_Yeah... yeah, okay. Sure. We can talk tomorrow after Glee if you want, or if it's really important you could maybe come with me now? I have to go, hum... _- Quinn esitated and blushed a little – _to the animal shelter. I will have a kitten from today on..._"

Rachel's eyes goes immediately wide. "_Oh my God Quinn! It's amazing, a really great thing, I most certainly want to come with you, I want to be the first one to see it! I mean... if it's okay?_"

Quinn chuckles seeing the uncertainty in Rachel's voice. "_Rach... I wouldn't even have asked if it wasn't okay! Come on, let's go!_"

"_Wait! I want to tell you something first.._." - Rachel waits for Quinn to turn and lean on the side of the car, smiling and nodding lightly at her as a signal that she's listening - "_Well, today my NYADA letter arrived..._"

Quinn pushes herself off the car so she's standing straight, much more attentive now. "_Yeah? That's great! You are in, right? Of course you are in, how could you not be! Rach, tell me something instead of watch me ramble!_"

"_Okay okay, sorry... it was fun to watch._ - Rachel giggles when Quinn hits her lightly on the shoulder. - _And... yes! I'm a finalist!_" she finally tells her with a grin on her face!

Quinn squeals and immediately hugs Rachel, lifting her from the ground and feeling her friend's laughter against her ear. "_I'm so so proud of you, Rach... I knew you could do it! This is great, can't you see your future more clearly now?_"

Rachel nods on Quinn's shoulder before breaking the embrace that never fails to make her feel safe. She looked at her and said, a little too cheerfully, "_Mh, yeah... actually, that was what I want to talk to you about. So, it's better if we start going!_"

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><p>Half an hour later, they are on their way back to Rachel's house, and Quinn is explaining her why she wanted that particular kitten. "<em>I went there looking for a dog or a cat a month ago, I wanted to give home to a pet who didn't have one, you know? I mean, I know it's not the same, but I kinda know how it feels... and so I went there and I saw this little one on the corner of her cage, sleeping and honestly not giving a fuck, sorry for the word, about anything! I mean, this is the cat version of me! <em>- she says chuckling before going on – _Seriously! She's also black... am I the black sheep of my family or not? And people say that black cat bring bad luck with them... again, been there. So, it was just perfect... I wanted to give her a home, and here she is! I named her Charlie, it came to my mind as soon as I saw her!_"

Rachel smiles seeing her friend so excited, she can't even remember the last time she was like that...

"_But anyway, enough with small talking, we're on our way to your house, so... talk now, woman!_"

The diva glares at her but starts anyway. "_Okay, so... hm, I don't know where to start. _- she takes a deep breath to compose herself and she tries again – _Okay, well. Straight to the point, that's better or I will talk forever and never tell. Isaidyes._" She says the last part in a hurry.

"_What? Sorry Rach, I didn't understand, could you repeat?_"

"_I said... yes, Quinn. I said yes._"

Quinn immediately pushes on the brakes, making the car stop with screeching tires. "_What?_"

Rachel looks down on her lap, and that's when Quinn notices the ring...

"_Oh my God! Rachel, what the hell were you thinking? I know you have EVERY reason to not believe what I say, and I honestly can't blame you, I'm even surprised you consider me a friend after everything I said and did to you, but... marrying him, Rachel? You're not even 18!_" She stops when she sees a tear sliding down her friend's cheek... "_No no, wait... wait, I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you cry. _"

Rachel launches herself in Quinn's arms and hugs her awkwardly, since they're still in the car "_I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, Quinn... I wanted to, I swear! But... but then, then Kurt had his NYADA letter and you got into Yale, and I had nothing. I thought I had nothing and it seemed the perfect thing to do! Now I see that it isn't, I saw it the moment Kurt asked me if I had told Finn about my admission..._"

"_Kurt? Why didn't you ask him, then?_" Quinn interrupted her.

"_Because he is Finn's stepbrother, Quinn!_" She sniffled and tried to keep herself together. "_I don't know what to do! I said yes and now I don't even know why... oh God, I'm so stupid! How can I tell Finn? I can't! And now I'll have to marry him, and_" - Quinn put her hand on Rachel's mouth stopping her...

"_Hey? Rach, look at me..._ - brown eyes met hazel – _Calm down. We will sort out everything. Do your dads know about your engagement?_"

"_No..._"

"_Good. That's good. If they don't know we can explain everything and they can help you... I will help you, okay? Just please don't cry..._"

"_Thank you... really Quinn. Thank you. I don't know why you put up with all my drama and stupid mistakes, but... I really appreciate it._"

"_There's no need to, I do it because I... _- oh God, stop it right there - _I... care about you, always remember that._ "

Their talk is interrupted by Charlie meowling in the back, at which they both chuckle. "_Now let's get you home, shall we? The little one wants to know her home._"

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><p>Later that night, Quinn lays on her bed with Charlie next to her. "<strong>What was I thinking? In the car I was going to say that I... like, Rachel? Rachel Berry! I cannot like her! Thank god I stopped myself and said I care about her... it just can't be possible. Not to me. I can't be... gay. I can't even say it!<strong> - Quinn runs a hand through her hair trying to calm down – **But that feeling when I was singing Never Can Say Goodbye... and God, if I think about not seeing her everyday after graduation... oh God I like her. I like her. No, I don't. Ugh.**"

Quinn walks to her desk and opens the top drawer, taking a dvd she had bought months before for Santana when she was struggling with her sexuality... she can't believe that now she's the one who needs it. Sighing she puts the tape in the stereo and clicks play...

CASSETTE: YOU'RE A ROAD IN NEED OF SOME REPAIR. IF YOUR SCORE IS BETWEEN 30 AND 40 POINTS, THEN YOU'RE A ROAD LADEN WITH POTHOLES AND YOU NEED A DOUBLE STRIPING. AND IF YOUR SCORE IS 40 OR ABOVE, IT'S JACKHAMMER TIME BECAUSE YOUR ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

"_In need of some repair? Jeez, thanks!_"

CASSETTE: A QUESTION: WHAT IS FANTASY? THE ANSWER: FANTASY IS THE IMAGINATIVE FULFILLMENT OF YOUR HEART'S DESIRE. AND ONE OF THE MOST COMMON FANTASIES FOR SINGLE MEN AND WOMEN IS THE FANTASY OF YOUR ULTIMATE COMPANION.

STORY TIME. I HAD A FRIEND, LET'S CALL HIM PHILLIP, WHO COULDN'T MAKE UP HIS MIND AMONGST THREE DIFFERENT WOMEN THAT HE LIKED. I DEVELOPED A TEST FOR HIM...AND FOR YOU.

"_Let's hit the road, yay!_" She just hoped no one would EVER find out about this.

CASSETTE: WHOSE PHONE CALLS OR VISITS ARE NEVER UNWANTED OR TOO LONG? DO YOU SEE HER FACE? WHO WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE TO WARD OFF MOMENTS OF LONELINESS? DO YOU SEE HER FACE? WHEN YOU TRAVEL, WHO WOULD MAKE YOUR TRAVELS MORE ENJOYABLE? DO YOU SEE HER FACE? WHEN YOU'RE IN PAIN, WHO WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO COMFORT YOU? DO YOU SEE HER FACE? WHEN SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAPPENS IN YOUR LIFE, A PROMOTION AT WORK, A SUCCESSFUL REFINANCING, WHO DO YOU WANT TO SHARE THE NEWS WITH? DO YOU SEE HER FACE? WHOSE FACE APPEARS TO YOU, MY FRIEND? WHOSE FACE?

"_Woah..._"

**A/N** – Yep, last part is from Gilmore Girls, it seemed perfect to me. So, that's not mine neither! Hope you enjoyed... :)


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **I still don't own Glee or any of the character/actors... thank you for your reviews and feedbacks, I really really appreciate it. Remember to tell me what you think, either it's good or bad, I want to know, it's important to me! :)

Oh, and dialogues are in italic, thought in bold and other things in capital letters. Enjoy!

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><p>"<em>Woah..."<em>

Quinn lays on her bed, fixing the ceiling, for hours, thinking about how on earth she fell in love with Rachel Berry. Hell, she didn't even know she's gay! Oh God, is she?

"**What am I gonna do? I can't be kicked out of my house again... no one will even believe me, damn it! I got pregnant, I've dated boys before, and now I'm gay? And for Rachel Berry, not a random girl! I tortured her for so many years... how can they think I'm saying the truth? How can I believe it and deal with the fact that I like her?**"

Her thoughts gets interrupted by her phone buzzing... she looks at the clock and wow, did she really stay there like a fool for two hours thinking about a girl? She casts a smile at Charlie, purring at the foot of the bed, and takes the phone checking who's texting her.

1 NEW MESSAGE: SAN

"HEY Q, LISTEN UP, BRITT WANTS YOUR NEW CAT, OR WHATEVER ANIMAL YOU JUST BOUGHT, AND LORD TUBBINGTON TO MEET, AND REMEMBER THAT WHAT MY GIRL WANTS, MY GIRL GETS! LOVE YA."

She rolls her eyes at her friend... Santana still sends her these kind of text even if she know that Quinn would never let down Brittany. She at least hopes Tubb won't eat Charlie.

As she sends her reply and put the phone back on the nightstand, it starts ringing again, and thinking it's Brittany asking her about Charlie, she picks up without checking the caller: _"Hey there!"_

_"Hey Quinn! Wow, you picked up fast, were you waiting for a call?"_

Holy crap, Rachel.

"**Great, just what I needed.**" she sighs running a hand through her hair and esitates... "**Okay. She probably just wants to wish you goodnight, nothing special. It has happened before, right? So, nothing has changed... yes! Nothing except you fell in love with this dwarf! A damn cute and adorable dwarf.**"

"_H-hey Rachel! No no, don't worry, I was playing a game and so I didn't have to search for the phone! Did you need something? I wasn't expecting your call!_"

**"Enough, Fabray, she probably thinks you're high by how cheery you sound, get a grip on yourself, stop rambling and let's face this.**"

"_Oh, okay! I won't keep you for long, I just wanted to thank you for today... you know, the whole Finn and Nyada thing, it was really important to me... actually, YOU were important to me._"

**"Oh my God, is she really saying this?"**

_"If I hadn't found you, I don't know what I would have done or who I'd have talked to."_

_"Yo_ – she coughs a couple of times, her mouth had gone dry the moment the word "important" left Rachel's mouth. -_ Sorry. You don't need to thank me. That's what friends are for, right?"_

_"Yes, maybe... but, you see, I never had any real friend beside Kurt, and well, I couldn't go to him this time... so, again, thank you from the bottom of my heart!"_

_"I can accept it just if you bake me some "thank you" cookies..."_ she smirks while saying this.

"_Quinn! When will you stop teasing me about my need to express my emotions with cookies?"_

Quinn pictures Rachel stomping her foot and doing that adorable grumpy face... oh wait, adorable? She can't be this whipped already.

"_Quinn...? Are you still there? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to"_

_"I'm here Rachel, sorry! Charlie was eating something he shouldn't eat, I had to take him!_" - woah, good save Fabray.

She hears giggles on the other line of the phone and she smiles back... how did she never notice the effect Rachel has on her? They exchange their goodbyes and wish each other goodnight, before Quinn hangs up the phone and goes in the bathroom to brush her teeth.

She has to figure out her feelings and choose what to do as soon as possible, or else she doesn't know how long it will be before she will ruin their friendship because of unspoken things. Her mind goes to the hug they shared earlier that day in the car, and she realize that she can still feel Rachel's perfume... she needs to talk to someone about this, but who?

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><p>So, thoughts? I know it's not long, but I haven't had any time and I wanted to still post an update... who do you think Quinn should talk to? I was thinking about Puck or Kurt, but reviews are open to suggestions...<p> 


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